Pregnancy and Worry
Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 2:00PM Dear Katie,
I recently found out I am pregnant. I am overjoyed, but find myself completely wrought with anxiety. I worry about everything. Am I making the right choices? Eating the right foods? Is my baby okay? I am so concerned with these things, I'm having a hard time enjoying being pregnant. Do you have any simple advice on a how to get over this anxiety? I picked up a few books, but mostly they are filling me with more fear. And then I worry that the fear will affect my baby adversely as well. I was a worry wart before I was pregnant, but it seems much worse now. I look forward to hearing from you, soon...
Love, Knocked Up and Nervous
Dear Nervous,
Let me assure you that you are completely normal. When I was newly pregnant, I worried about everything. I worried I had too many symptoms, or too few. On a purely physical level, the increase in estrogen has us ramped up right from the beginning. And, our lives are profoundly changing, which most women feel the minute they see a positive pregnancy test. We often feel we are the only woman to ever feel this way. Though your feelings are common, you also want to work with them, so you can enjoy the process.
First of all, try to have one set of feelings. Worrying about the worry itself is one of those useless activities of the mind. Feel whatever feelings arise, and give yourself love, like you would if your child had those feelings.
Next, BREATHE and stay present. A wise teacher said "Fear is excitement without the breath." Take a deep breath like you are blowing out your candles on a birthday cake. Beneath all this worry is the deep excitement that you are a mom! Especially given the current climate in our culture, it's easy to get lost in all the what-ifs. By staying present now, the future takes care of itself.
Get to know your mind. Know your triggers, and rougher times of day. For most of us, the mind is more active at night. We have a rule in our house that we don't talk about money right before going to bed. Find the things that calm your mind, whether it is a hot bath, a long walk in nature, a great massage, or reading Harry Potter. And watch your sleep. Many fears are born from not enough sleep.
Find some tools or teachers to work with. Sometimes writing down your thoughts can be useful. Get it out of your head, and look at what you've written. Ask yourself, "Is this true?" Take the questioning further, "Is this thought helpful to me?" "Is there another way I could look at this right now?" Meditation and prayer are also a great balm for the mind. Give your worries away to something bigger than yourself. Start with five minutes a day, sit and breathe, and listen to your own heart. Byron Katie and Pema Chodron are excellent teachers for working with your mind. (see references below) If you feel that things are getting beyond your control, don't be afraid to ask for professional help as well. Art therapy, as well as traditional counseling and psychiatry can all be helpful as well.
When it comes to choices, follow your instincts, above all. A lot of Pregnancy books on the market seem to give you even more to worry about. Does it feel good to eat a certain food? Have that food! Watch the sugar intake, as well, because sugar can increase moodiness. I have written more about diet, exercise and health in my blog entry about happy, healthy pregnancy.
Lastly, connect with the miracle of your baby. Try to trust that all is going well in there. Babies are resiliant, amazing little creatures, and they have a wisdom to build themselves cell by cell, without our involvement.
So, welcome to the world of motherhood. As I sit here with my three month old, I can't tell you that the anxiety goes away. It shifts, and so can our relationship to it. As mothers, we will always worry. The mission is to steady ourselves so the worry doesn't keep us from the deep joy of being a mom.
Wishing you peace, joy and deep breaths,
Katie
Reader Comments (1)
Such great advice! Works for stress on homebuying, worrying about work, family, almost anything. We are always pregnant with hopes, dreams, concerns. The actual baby in the womb is so wise and able...we just get to go along for the ride and trust the process. Kate, you made my birth the best and most joyous day ever! Your eyes told me everything was ok and I could do it. Thanks forever for being the greatest doula!